me "eh u free tmr?"
ky "ya. wan date me issit?"
me "just wondering whether u're free tmr."
ky "meet what time tmr?"
me "no la i asking only. never say i want go out with u."
ky "y? are we still meeting tmr?"
me "i was thinking y u dun want to ask to meet me tmr. so, no we're not meeting. "

i didnt mean to sound so caustic. i just hate it when he says he wants to see me but just says it. he knows we're both free but he doesnt ask. and i'm too proud to say "lets go out together".

i want to grumble.
as an afterthought, my misery[with him] is not entirely unfounded.
in my opinion, a girlfriend is a companion to share both joy and sadness, not cause [some/any]misery to.
which couple doesnt meet for one week, sometimes 2?
i dont even hear his voice every 2 days. he doesnt even go home with me when we end lessons at the same time. look, tjc and vjc are only 10 minutes away from each other.
yes, we sms each other. i find it very ineffective to carry on a virtual conversation on hp with him when i can only type 160letters/sms and i have only a measly 360 free sms per month. i still need to sms my niece you see.

he's rather reticent with me many times. means i don't really know him well. i dont know what he thinks. usually i'll be the one trying to say something and he doesnt hear it. or he doesnt respond. as in he gives one word responses. "oh." "ya." "ok."
i can say that to myself.

somebody once told me that the reason i'm still with him is my laziness.
to handle the hassle, explanation to friends and family, possible heartbreak and tears.

even so, its to an infinitesimal extent.
i just harbour hope that things will change when he's not so busy with his wushu competitions. i'm just, waiting.
the thing is i'm so filled with exasperation when i think of him.
its wrong.
i've already forgotten why we're together.

remind me to hold dear to the happy memories.

♥Bid Farewell