This uncontrollable compulsion creeps up to me when I’m not watching, seduces me when my defenses are low. I know exactly what I ought to and ought not to do. I know plainly the consequences too. However when the time comes for me to make a choice, I succumb. I’m embarrassed that my will doesn’t even put up a strong fight; it only makes a cursory timid shake of the head before allowing the compulsion to dominate.

And when the involuntary choice is made and the deed done, I look back at the mess created feeling a profound sense of revolt and disappointment with myself.

I fully know that it will happen over and over because perhaps, I don’t wish to be helped.

♥Bid Farewell