The other night my parents and sister joined forces to criticize about my behaviour and attitude at home and it made me feel gravely wronged.
I knew that I was a little bit nicer to people outside home but everyone is like that right?
The knowledge that family can never abandon family no matter how bad they treat each other is always at the back of the mind seems to reduce the tendency to play nice.
That is not applicable to me leh.
I think I treat them nicer than my big sister is to everyone.
That thought is apparently not shared by anyone else.
I'm really trying very hard, tutoring my sister and trying to suppress my irritation when she does not get maths.
Maths! My favourite subject!
What really gets my nerves is that I live with her and I see how much time she spends on meaningless, time-consuming things like MSN and friendster.
I can't help relating that if she had spent those times reading up on A Maths she didn't take in Sec4 she'd so get Maths in JC.
My tone tends to become condescending as perceived by her and everyone else.
Trying to change already!
And I think I get irritated very very very very easily.
And I'm sacarstic when I'm irritated.
Then my sisters talk about me being arrogant in my face.
Then I get more irritated and say caustic remarks even though I didn't mean it.
Trying to change too.
I was already aware of my problems and trying so hard to stop giving in to bad habits but nobody cares.
I am trying can't they see that they should not poke me with their accusations as if I enjoy being hated by them?
Defending myself makes me look even worse, like I was guilty and unrepentant.
So I answered, 'Ya lo I'm very rude.' when my Dad told me I was very rude.
It turned out sounding like I was retorting him with insolent attitude but I truely was not!
He scolded me somemore, 'SEE SEE YOU ARE ALWAYS LIKE THIS.'
They said that my attitude problem is that I don't think I have an attitude problem.
Makes sense.
If I agree that I have an attitude problem that means my attitude problem is solved but if it only seems to be solved and I continue thinking I do not have an attitude problem and that will be my ultimate attitude problem.
Urg it is time to reflect on my attitude and EQ.
Someone please tell me that I'm not a horrible person.
And that it was not because of my attitude that causes her to treat me this way.
Actually no, you should tell me if you hate me and if you think I'm doing anything wrong[in real-life].
I need to know to adjust.
Note: They love me 98% of the time because I'm quite entertaining at home.
The hatred towards my attitude culminates only once in about 3 months when they start lashing out and then feelings will subside and build up again later.
Labels: Problems
♥Bid Farewell
