Me: So what is the one thing you have to do before you die?
Some people would say they want to backpack around the world, some would want to have sex, some would like to eat some monkey brains.. I don't know there seems to be so many things to do before one loses the chance to do it.
My dearest roommate, without hesitation, answered that she wanted to eat all the dou sha baos in the world.
<- the dou sha bao that made life worth it.♥Bid Farewell
It is funny how I wait expectantly for this page to load to check if there are new blog posts so that I can read something other than my exam readings.
And I always manage to feel a tinge of disappointment when I don't see any new posts.
Following that will be a greater sense of loss as I realize that this is my own blog and there won't be any new blog posts appearing if the sole author doesn't post anything herself.
Sigh.
Oh wait let me refresh the page I think there is a new post! =)
♥Bid Farewell
Diananana.
I tried.
I closed my eyes and concentrated very hard for deep red apples to appear on my table.
I could hear the fan whirling powerfully as I just removed dust off it.
Try cleaning your fan, it will turn like 4 times faster than its speed now and all the insects creeping on your table wouldn't be able to stay on the surface for long as the turbulence will overcome the insects' gravity.
It must be the reason why the fly smacked into my forehead while I was wishing very hard.
The impact of the fly was so great that I passed out on my bed for an hour until my friend came into my room to snatch my pillow away.
♥Bid Farewell
i feel very hopeless don't know what to start studying with how are we suppose to know which part of the lectures are important but wait.. okay i attended half of them and I hate to think that everything is important because that is probably it so i'm stuck here feeling very sleepy and feeling a lot of inertia to do anything at all except to type this paragraph and wait for lunch.
Speaking of food, everyone munches something while they are studying la.
In the library you can see every awake person exercising their jaws vigorously while reading their notes. No eating in library leh.
It is so unhealthy la, eating while sitting down for 4 hours plus plus.
Stop offering me snacks look at me I can't afford to snack anymore.
♥Bid Farewell
Are exams as soporific to you as they are to me and my roommate? During this period of intensive studying I take about 3 catnaps a day, each lasting about half an hour or so depending on my laziness. There are times when you enter the room at 5 pm and you can see my roommate and I pigging together with the lights all off.
**
The previous paragraph was written last night before kev, me and susan tried to study in the communal hall overnight together. I forgot what I wanted to write about already because too many things were said last night and I hope to be able to execute the change with honest and earnest support from my precious friends.
Yup, nat i’m talking about you too. I believe I can do it and so can you. =)
Love you people.
♥Bid Farewell
I actually spent $232 while shopping alone just now. Gosh I need some self-control considering that I don’t print money for a living.
I bought a pair of sport shoes, 2 pairs of slippers, 4 boxes of tissue papers, 1 pullover, 3 packets of wet wipes for the floor (they run out really quickly), studs and some stationery. I didn’t even get to finish purchasing stuff from my shopping list la. I gave my apples and packet drinks a miss cus I knew I wouldn’t be able to travel back to hall. I wouldn’t even be able to ask anyone to help or take a cab cus my hands are too full for me to reach for my phone or flag a cab.
You say, “You can always put down your shopping things on the floor to free your hands right, dumb?”
I’d tell you I’d rather stay overnight outside NTUC than let the plastic bags touch the filthy floor and subsequently come into contact with C313 floor because I freaking just cleaned the floor and the fan and the cupboard and washed my clothes and wiped the table top and.. oops sorry I got carried away, this is a sensitive topic.
Bottom line is, no way is unknown particles going to get transferred from the road to my room.
I lugged my 4 boxes of tissue paper and many massive plastic bags up the bus and as usual became a lump of obstacle at the door while I fumbled to tap my ezlink card as quickly as possible. I have the shittiest card in the world because it can’t be read from inside my wallet even though I already placed it nearest to the outer surface. I grew more impatient by the second as I tried to tap it again and again but it just plain refused to be sensed by the machine. Tapping became slamming and slamming became whacking until I realised the stares and also that violence does not solve the problem in this case.
Sigh.
How do people remain dignified while carrying numerous behemoth NTUC plastic bags? Don’t cool people shop for toilet rolls or clothes hangers or detergent and the like?
Oh right, they have cars or maids.
♥Bid Farewell
All the nurses in TH went home already, except for geraldine and I.
There are other people around la but geraldine is too cute to not hang around with.
The following is one of the sms conversations we had this morning:
Me: Have you had lunch?
Geraldine: Nope... U? Wan go where eat? Haha...
Me: I'm very lazy to go out just to eat. Haha. If you're hungry I'll accompany you! But the real plan is for me to starve to death in C313 by the end of this reading week so I don't have to take exams. :)
Geraldine: Wahahaha. Ya right! =P so easy to starve to death? Terri Schiavo took 13 days. By then, you would have completed the papers! Wahahaha. Lets go arts, then go library? =P
Dang she is farsighted.
♥Bid Farewell
That day I was watching titanic and that part of the movie I watched before I had to rush off was so poignant I cannot stop thinking about it. You know which scene I am talking about?
That part where Leonardo Dicarprio was sketching Rosie’s portrait la. Just kidding =)
The scene which the two of them were desperately clinging on to the railings at the bow as Titanic sank almost vertically.
They were the two most fortunate people on the deck despite their impending doom because they had each other. Death is suddenly not so scary when you have a partner, someone to leave with into the unfathomable unknown.
It is almost romantic to be able to end their lives together and be with each other eternally, in a way.
But the sucky ending which I always don’t get to watch killed Jack. Shit.
And it is always preferable to die in other ways than filling up the lungs with water; it wouldn’t be a good death. I suggest holding your breath, because if you’d pass out if you do that long enough hence you can get a second chance to regret that you even thought about suicide.
I just wasted half an hour typing nonsense.
♥Bid Farewell
My fingers smell like onions.
I really enjoy staying with HS.
She's such a nice girl. Even though she doesn't change into PJs before collapsing into her bed and doesn't wash her clothes until her laundry bag overflows I'm really glad that I'm living with her.
She wakes up early each morning to eat breakfast and when I miss the breakfast opening hours and think oh shit I just wasted my money again paying for food I don't eat, I see two sweet brown buns sitting on my table. She gets breakfast for me almost every time I wake up late la and I'm so grateful.
Not having breakfast sets me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
Just like how not having enough sleep or stepping on unknown particles on my floor or seeing dirty clothes lying around or not changing the bedsheet spoils my mood.
Anyway, sometimes when I don't go to class I'll sleep in and HS would be up already, hard at work with her laptop.
And every morning I dread waking up because my right calf has incredibly painful cramps which I can't do anything about except lie on the bed, squirming about while waiting for what seems like eternity for the pain to subside.
You know rigor mortis?
It happens to the muscles of recently dead people.
The muscles contract and remain that way because the body does not possess sufficient ATP to allow the muscles to regain the relaxed position.
i think that is exactly what happens to my leg every morning.
Its scary okay. Even though I know that the pain will subside in about 1 min but during the one minute pictures of dead people cramping up appears and I want to cry out and call for help but I know that it is really silly, it is only cramps and nobody will or can help me, so I'll squeeze my eyes shut and hope with all my might that today's cramps will be shorter than yesterdays and I'll fervently hope that someone at that point in time will come and sit next to me to reassure me that it is only cramps I can survive that.
See why i have eyebags?
Little things like cramping in the morning scare the shit out of me and make me feel like the most alone creature in the world and the probability of me dying of pain ALONE of cramps although slim, makes me feel kind of pathetic.
So that particular morning when I was cramping again, HS saw me squirming.
She walked over and asked me if I was alright, then she tried to help me massage to ease the ache.
Massaging doesn't help at all, but knowing that I won't die alone, if I were to die there and then, and that knowing that someone was trying to ease my pain, makes me feel loved.
See, having a roommie is good! Especially if you have someone like HS.
♥Bid Farewell
This uncontrollable compulsion creeps up to me when I’m not watching, seduces me when my defenses are low. I know exactly what I ought to and ought not to do. I know plainly the consequences too. However when the time comes for me to make a choice, I succumb. I’m embarrassed that my will doesn’t even put up a strong fight; it only makes a cursory timid shake of the head before allowing the compulsion to dominate.
And when the involuntary choice is made and the deed done, I look back at the mess created feeling a profound sense of revolt and disappointment with myself.
I fully know that it will happen over and over because perhaps, I don’t wish to be helped.
♥Bid Farewell
This week's nursing skills lab was by far the most exciting one I've attended.
We were learning how to use a needle (in a special pen) to prick our fingers so that we can use the blood to test the glucose level in our bodies.
Sounds scary doesn't it?
I was apprehensive about using the pen on HuiKoon's delicate petite fingers because..
I was afraid that I might not be able to contain the ecstatic look on my face when I saw the blood oozing out and I didn't fancy getting ostracized for that.
As a result of Huikoon's enthusiastic encouragement, I did it.
omg it was so freaking fun!
Huikoon and I were equally euphoric about this successful breaking of her skin and she volunteered show me where to pinch her finger so that more blood will flow out.
After cleaning her finger up it was immediately my turn to get pricked.
Even though it was a little painful, the sense of satisfaction was far greater than the pain caused.
When I looked around the lab everyone else was equally excited emitting whooping or ooh-ing sounds.
If not for the time constraints we would have kept pricking each other until all the fingers are used up.
It was that fun.
♥Bid Farewell
My neverending essay writing is finally coming to an end after a whole night up trying to quote and cite references from a hundred different journal articles. By finally coming to an end I mean that I have almost finished half of the minimum word count. Majority of my time was used up trying to look for phrases to quote which are all over the place! I think it would really save my time if I had eyes like these:
The compound eyes would allow me to view objects as in a mosaic whoa I get excited from just thinking about it. I might look freaky but at least I am fast.
Talking about excitement and insects, the fucking cricket residing in the tree outside my hostel window simply can’t shut up. It keeps screaming machiam it is having orgasms like that leh. The starting part of the scream has intervals of pauses then subsequently the pauses diminishes to nil. At this point it is a quiet scream, albeit continuous, then slowly, it will build up by increasing both in pitch and volume into a full blast screech as in a climax. That will last for about 1 minute before he dies of exhaustion. I’m assuming that the cricket died because the sudden silence is so abrupt that you’ll picture it freezing in mid thrust to free fall to the ground. Cardiac infarction, must be.
I feel so much more relax after those thoughts. Shall continue with my essay now.
♥Bid Farewell
My blister is oozing pus ouch.
The pus from blister came about from intensive soccer training yesterday which I pretty much enjoyed. The feeling of satisfaction from being able to manoeuvre the ball fluidly past a few opponents combined with not tripping over my own foot successfully lifted my spirits for the day. However I just felt something missing. I enjoyed playing the game it was so good but I felt empty somehow.
I remember being enthusiastic for soccer trainings in JC and reaching the pitch extra early on days with and without trainings.
I remember that when I contemplated skipping school to sleep in the thought of training always managed to perk me up to drag myself to the bathroom. Even when I skipped school I would still turn up for soccer trainings at 4pm. I thought it was for the love of the game but it was obviously not. The camaraderie amongst the teammates was so strong that we tried to spend every breathing moment with each other. Haha It sounds like I’m exaggerating but I swear we loved each other like.. we’d get married with each other if we could.
In fact, some of them proclaimed to be boyfriend-girlfriend or wife-husband or threens.
Its really a shame la that we don’t meet up anymore.
Sigh. I bet people reading this is super bored already I’ve written about this so many times.
Anyway I think I’ve written about Sheryl the inspiring leader before.
The one who has a super big heart that fills up so much of her thoracic cavity I wonder where her lungs go.
Recently I got to know this girl called Ling better who’s something like that too.
We worked together for this project titled, “what it means to be a nurse” which I learnt more than what it means to be a nurse. When I first spoke to Ling I was mildly annoyed by how she kept spewing self-righteous statements asking people not to do this and not to do that. I wondered to myself why she kept doing that? Was she trying to show that she was morally more superior that everyone else?
During that process of working for the project I learnt that she truly believes in what she says and the purpose of saying things was out of kind-heartedness. She kept stressing that the point of the project is not to compete with others and earn the highest points. That would be a bonus on top of our own learning which was way more important.
It is what we learnt during CME in primary school. Despite knowing that we should not pressure ourselves to perform because we don’t want to look bad in front of other groups, a little large part of us shallow creatures still glanced sideways to see how the other teams were doing. Maybe it was just me, only one shallow creature.
Anyway just two days before the final presentation, Ling, the best speaker in the group and among the 4 of us presenting, decided to pass her slides and script to M. To give him a chance to contribute.
Let me tell you something about M. He’s a really funny and nice boy but he is a boy. When you’re running a presentation rehearsal using a projector and you see the screen moving, he’s the boy who, oops, had been playing with the switch.
I have nothing against him except that this was our final presentation and we’ll be graded from the presentation and nothing else. No report or anything like that. 30% based on the presentation hence any screw up on that day will result in a heavy penalty on our cap.
As much as my jaw hit the floor with such force that I grew ulcers all over, my respect for Ling just increased and kept growing la. I love her so much for being such a big person. Big because (my vocabulary is very limited) she didn’t just pass him the script and abandon him there. He was a terrible speaker, please pardon me, who couldn’t stop shifting his weight from left foot to right foot. A bit like how an accordion pumps.
The amazing thing about Ling was her trust in him that he could do better. She kept coaching him about how he could speak better and engage the audience and improvised methods to help him. She is one person I think will make a fantastic nurse. Her ability to see beyond people’s flaws to reach out to help them become better people is just something everyone should learn. How can one person possess so much goodness?
It makes me think about a lot of things too. Like my attitude towards people with less good attributes. I agreed with myself a long time ago that I would not be obsessed about being friends with people who are good-looking or being in the popular crowd. (This is true! Look at how my friends look like. Just kidding!!!! Good-looking friends don’t disown me after reading this k.)
How about a person with less good attributes eg intelligence and EQ?
Do you judge them to be lower level human beings hence stay away from them? Or do you, like Ling, look pass these flaws, believing that there must be something more in them, and give them a chance? If you choose to stay away from less intelligent people, are you similar to people who stay away/ make fun of/ tease ugly people?
Disclaimer:
M is really a nice guy, he’s the one who buys lunch for us all the time! I’m sure he contributed to the group in a way or another, its just that he’s extremely playful.
♥Bid Farewell
