Anybody has a motorcycle?
I'll be your pillion rider.
♥Bid Farewell
C H I N G A Y - THE GRANDEST PARADE IN ASIA.
I have so many things to complain about.
Whining is my hobby.
Because the list of things on my 'to whine list' is so long, I should talk about how much I enjoyed it first.
It was such a colourful and glittery event it made me want to throw up on the psychedelic costumes.
While waiting on the road for our turn to perform I so badly wanted to sit right there on the prime gallery seats to watch the parade.
We could hear the music beating away and it sounded like a good show.
All in all it was a good experience I'm glad my cousin and I shared our first Chingay performance together. She took care of me quite well, I must say.
15 year olds nowadays are more dependable than 18.5 year olds.
Pictures!
Sorry I don't have many pictures actually.
It was really difficult to balance the camera on my headgear or on my glittery heels or anywhere for that matter because I had to dance. Plus I couldn't keep the camera anywhere unlike our oh-so-adorable malay friends who could keep those inside their cleavage.
Cleavage I so love.
From left to right: Zul, Nani, me.
Haz, my new friend from Cheng San CC.
Fazly, who sees me in town frequently but doesn't say hi.
The face in the background looks eerie and I'm PISSED that the eyes didn't roll around maniacally.
HAIFI'S TWIN!
The first time I saw him omg I was so happy that I was going to get my $40 back.
So I squatted down beside him[he was squatting on the floor too] to take a better look at him.
This boy had haifi's thing brown[dyed, of course] hair, same eyes, same nose, but alas, different teeth.
Ugh. Anyway, he's haifi's twin.
Something my cousin drew on my forehead.
China.
Applied all those on my own. Effort.
My complaints start here:
OMG the headgear it weighs a tonne, it was so painful because it was a size too small for my fatty head.
It's colourful and featherly but do you know how damn tight that bloody thing grips our heads.? The feeling can be simulated by wearing a helmet filled with little stones and tightening the strap. Do it! You'll feel SO ALIVE after that.
At the launching ceremony the PA dancers are supposed to stand in a line to await the arrival of Nathan. Did you see us?
We stood there under the spotlight, unable to move or pee or look grumpy for HALF AN HOUR.
It got so stuffy that my whole body started to sweat and feel cold at the same time.
I swear I hadn't been so unwell before I felt like throwing up.
The malay girls next to me were worried because my tears were falling uncontrollably and I was going to throw up! Live on Channel 8! Oh great because the Mediacorp artiste just said that we were 3 minutes away to Nathan's arrival!
I tried taking deep breaths to swallow the impending vomit.
So I turned around to look away from the crowd.
And this photographer was pointing his Bigass Lens at my Full-of-Vomit face.
He placed it so near to my face my breaths formed mists on the lens.
To make him go away I smiled with vomit in my teeth.
He gave me an 'okay, good.' handsign and proceeded to delete the photo from his camera.
I thought I wouldn't last till Nathan walked down the float and started the ceremony.
I did, thank you Whoever's Up There.
The end.
I'm glad that Nat and friends enjoyed the show!
And that my mummy came to watch me!
I think she was quite excited to see me in thick make-up and fairy costume.
**
Yesterday I had to go for the Chingay street parades.
Our job was to stand on the float and wave to the Bedok residents.
It wasn't so bad because we didn't have to walk or dance and the weather was cooling.
The challenging part was to keep the smile plastered onto our faces which was the omgggg-the hardest thing to do.
There was nothing to smile at.
Our cheek muscles had spasms so bad they trembled and we couldn't not smile anymore after the first half an hour.
After a while I got to stand at the top of the float which I enjoyed so much.
The view! I could see all the cars and residents squeezing in the crowd just to take our pictures.
My head could almost touch the traffic light and the overhead bridge!
Once in a while it feels so goooood to be taller than everyone else.
I must say I like enthusiastic aunties and uncles.
The way they wave.. its hard to describe.
Must see to laugh. They use their entire body to say HI!
They raise their hands high up and create a wavelike motion with their whole body starting from their hands to their toes.
The cutest ones bob up and down bending their knees from time to time.
I wonder if they know how ridiculous they look.
I learnt a lesson too.
That is to ignore the mats[is it spelt like that?] and bangalas.
The mats are really disturbing and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE we met around bedok.
Bangalas, lets not talk about them because you know and I know.
I honestly thought that those were statues.
Until I saw one of the 'statues' blinking and looking back at me.
Poor things, these little children.
They were so real in pretending to be statues.
Its unnatural for children that small to stay in awkward positions for long hours.
Very cruel too.
Labels: Chingay
♥Bid Farewell
My sister [the younger one], she's crazy.
She's shit insane.
The things she does to me, you won't even be able to imagine it.
Does your sister grab your ass and lets her hand stay there while you're, say, cooking instant noodles?
Does she try to feel you up?
Does she invite you to bathe with her/watch her bathe?
Does she flash you indecent body parts?
Does she put oranges into your shirt and tell everyone that there are 4 oranges in your shirt?
THAT happens to me, every single day.
The level of invasion of modesty varies daily though, depending on the occasion.
I'M TWISTED, NOT BECAUSE I WAS BORN THIS WAY, OKAY?
I might be pressing charges if this harrassment continues.
Labels: Family
♥Bid Farewell
Suying fetched me home in the car again.
She's so nice to not ask for payment for all the gasoline she wastes weekly for driving me all the way to my lift.
She played this Jay Chou CD that made me go 'ahhh' inside.
Not the screaming kind, its the 'ooohhh' kind.
I wonder which part of his music makes it so endearing and impactful;
is it the tune? is it the wayhemumbleshiswords?
or is it the lyrics?[which can be quite cheem]
Anyway his songs ALWAYS make me feel like I'm in love.
Last time whenever I hear his songs I will sms disgustingly mushy things to my boyfriend.
Cannot help it!
I haven't been listening to any songs because I don't have mp3 or radio.
Everything's not functioning.
I'm so sad that I lost my mp3 handphone that time, my ONLY good worthy of protection handphone I ever had.
I swear I took care of it like a baby, nursing it and wiping its shiny backside and screen all the time.
The worst thing I did to it was to say bad things to it when my sister called.
And this bastard had to steal my handphone in school during training.
I want to clobber him so bad.
My lousy motorola phone is failing me too.
I can't sms anymore because once I try to type anything the phone will play dead.
It
The inverted 'M' on the screen cover had never looked so annoying before.
♥Bid Farewell
What is it like to pee standing up?
Can the range and volume of the pee be controlled?
If too much pressure is applied will urine spray all over?
Because my brother and cousin seem to have major problems controlling their pee line.
Plus they don't lift the toilet seat cover, ever.
I HATE going into the toilet after my brother, especially.
He has no control whatsoever over his little brother and I can imagine the pee gushing out naturally and him thinking, I don't want to hold my birdbird because urine is so dirty.
You know how disgusting it is to have yellow puddles ON the toilet seat?
And the smell that lingers long after pee dries on the floor?
Its pungent and little amounts smell like potato soup sometimes.
Shitty things happen during the new year.
Like having a choked toilet bowl.
The day before, after doing my business I flushed and watched [Don't you love doing that too? Seeing what shape your poo is?] as the excrement gets swallowed up.
Except that the water that flowed down the side wasn't strong enough to push all the dirty things through.
I watched in horror as the brown fecal water rose ever so quickly in the toilet bowl.
I might have screamed, I can't remember.
The level had risen so much that it was threatening to overflow and form a poo fountain.
Just as I was about to have a heart attack the water level dropped again.
You have no idea what amount of relief I felt.
I was luckier than my auntie who was trapped in the toilet for AN HOUR.
A WHOLE HOUR while the family waited for her to go bai nian together.
Trapped because it is paiseh to let the whole family see the floating poo.
So she stood there hoping and praying that the screwed up sewage will let the poo mixture subside.
Poo things are personal and they have to be hidden away, even from the closest family.
The toilet bowl is already in its last stage after ten years of service.
Poo and toilet paper is prohibited and strictly speaking, only substances that can be filtrated is allowed.
The toilet to person ratio is now 1 is to 11.
Guests are coming over to my house in about 3 hours.
The ratio will become about 1 to 30.
I don't know if the toilet bowl can take it or not.
Labels: Daily
♥Bid Farewell
I can't believe Chinese New Year is here already.!
Means I have 4 days of holidays! Away of parents' phone calls, away from smelly naughty boys and away from my very own stalker!
HAHA.
I'm so happy that I've made concrete plans for the weekends already - spend time with my television in my favourite rattan chair.
Anyway its time to update about My Very Own Stalker.
Since the first time we met until today, he has been quite efficient in following me to the bus stop after school. Bravo to him!
Except the few times when I deliberately stayed back late to play tennis with some other teachers, when I took another route and when another teacher gave me a ride to the Mrt station.
Even the stalked has to take a break you know.
Yesterday and the day before I saw him loitering around my neighbourhood looking around in a very suspicious manner.
See my goosebumps?
Anyway today I met him AGAIN at the bus stop near my school.
There was no way I could avoid him.
So he started talking to me. I mean he started asking me questions.
'When are A's released?'
Me, "Tsk. I dunno."
After a long silence, 'Which were the subjects you got A1 for?'
Me, 'Huh. I dunno.'
Which is the stupidest answer, how can I not know how many A1s I have for O's.
He continued asking a series of questions which I can't remember because I was looking at the cars whiz pass and thinking, what the fuck is wrong with this stalker.
I said I dunno so many times that he shook his head in a omg-why-is-she-so-shy manner.
I AM NOT SHY AT ALL. I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
Which there is no reason why at all.
If there has to be a reason,
I'm autistic you see.
I only have 2 friends.
And my favourite hobby is to wrap myself in quilt and rock myself in the corner of the room.
I've to admit its partly, or mostly my fault that this poor person became My Very Own Stalker.
I gave him my email.
So stupid I can't believe I did that.
The second time I met him he sat beside me, asked me for my name and fiddled with his handphone which he tried to take out as inconspiciously as possible.
I panicked when I saw it. Not the handphone please, not the handphone.
I held my breath as he said, 'What is your.... msn?'
I was so relieved that he wasn't one of those I'll have to say, 'I didn't recieve your sms. When did u send it?' Give me some credit.
Sometimes I REALLY didn't receive the sms.
Back to the msn thing, I gave him my email add.
BIG MISTAKE.
With the email address he can become more a more informed stalker via the Friendster.
Imagine his face if he gets to read this.
I think my life will be in danger.
Labels: Stalker
♥Bid Farewell
I bet nobody will look at the dancers when the Chingay parade's going on next week.
Our People's Association float sponsored by Eu Yan Seng is so gorgeous you wouldn't give two hoots about us.
Our float features a woman's face, some clouds and trees.
Sounds boring?
Wait till you see the woman's eyes, so captivating and enchanting that you will want to dig them out to keep for memorabilia's sake.
We know what happens right after Tom gets whacked: His head will spin, his pupils turn around and around in the socket until he falls over unconsious.
My float can do that too.
These engineers have a great sense of humor, wiring the eyes such that they roll around in opposite directions at different speeds.
Since the eyes are malfunctioning, they might as well add a hysterical cackle and make the woman blow fire through the mouth to enhance that effect.
It'll be a blast.
Is it bothering you?
Cuz it IS bothering me, I can't stop laughing when we enter the parade with this crazy looking, eyes-rolling thing.
Labels: Chingay
♥Bid Farewell
Nat and I crossed the causeway to go to JB and my family don't know about it.
Except my cousin la but I think she'd keep it to herself.
It was quite a satisfying trip I found things that I like except for that lady in the shopping centre who was so aggressively promoting her slimming products to us.
When we kindly rejected her she kept tugging at our shirts and chanting her lines,
"Come and have your weight checked la. This is very good."
At the time when she approached us we were stuffing KFC into our mouths with the mayo and oil decorating our cheeks.
Thats the worst time for a slimming product promoter to see us la.
When we started walking very quickly she said vehemently in malay,
"Eat somemore, eat somemore."
Thank you that was very nice.
After that I went to dance rehearsal where we slacked around as the chiefs discussed things.
So I was sitting hunched back on the stairs and daydreaming about sleep.
My dancer friend sitting next to me has apparently been observing me for some time before she got so disgusted she told me to sit properly.
I was quite confused about her request so she explained that my stomach was bulging out. And she pointed to my stomach awkwardly.
Immediately I told her that I am so fat no matter how straight I sat my baby tummy will be there, peeking.
Because I got pregnant once before.
That dancer and the other dancer who had been eavesdropping looked at me first surprised, then shocked and then sympathetic.
I am actually quite a good liar huh.
Either that or I look as though I've given birth before.
There was a pecuiliar silent as I watched their pupils and mouths dilate when I was waiting for them to say that they know I was kidding.
They were probably formulating things to say in their minds to comfort me, like, "I know what pregnancy does to your body." or "When did it happen?"
To relieve the tension I 'haha' to myself and said that I was only kidding la.
Only then did the anxiety disperse from their faces.
Adults nowadays think too highly of teenagers.
Labels: Travel
♥Bid Farewell
Mr. lbl asked me when will I be working till.
When I told him I think I'll be here until around April he replied, good.
He said, 'Happy working. You brighten up the staffroom.'
Wow. Whatever that meant it caught me off guard.
So sweet. He definitely brightened up my day.
I didn't even do anything.
**
My Indian friend and I are going to a far away place on thursday.
IF something untowardly happens to us, I love you all.
Labels: Work
♥Bid Farewell
I was at bugis street with my rat friend trying very hard to squeeze my way through.
Its monday afternoon for goodness' sake why so crowded?
And why do girls like to stand in groups of 6 in the middle of the path.?
bleah.
Anyway I saw this really pretty face waving at me through all that crowd between us.
While our distance closed I tried very hard to place her face.
Oh shit oh shit she was so near me already and I couldn't remember who that is luckily she saved me by saying HIMAN.
Who else says HIMAN with such gusto at such high pitch.?
Stace's so much prettier now with her thick short bangs framing her small face.
Speaking of people-who-grew-prettier, ah tan lost weight.
He lost so much weight that my fingers quiver with envy.
THIRTEEN FREAKING KILOS.
In about 3 weeks.
Thirteen kilos is not easy and is the equivalent of my brother.
It is something that makes you kowtow in awe.
You see to lose 13kg quickly, its either liposuction or starving+laxatives+removal of a fat thigh.
why is life so unfair.
Labels: Friends
♥Bid Farewell
Its quite difficult to pronounce for the non-Chinese, the han yu pin yin illiterate as well as those hard of hearing.
QW is such a nice sweet Chinese name but becomes Kien Yuen, Quen Win or something of that variation.
Becomes painfully annoying when I have to repeat it every day to the staff and they promptly forget it and ask me the same thing the next day.
Today someone ringed the General Office looking for Angel.
Who the hell was Angel?
My colleague in the General Office looked around searching for 'Angel' while I shook my head to tell her that my name is QIANWEN, again.
Since I'm the newest in the office, my colleague got me to answer the call.
The moment I said 'Hello...' the lady on the line started blabbering instructions to help her prepare worksheets for her classes.
[She speaks so quickly to me that I can't help but imitate her speed when talking to her so that she can rush off to do her things.]
Then I realised that she was one of the teachers and she recognized my voice so well that she gave my a name to my voice.
And so my name became angel.
So sweet huh.
When I was about to sign out of work Mrs Lui came to the office and told everyone at the General Office that my name is Angel from today onwards.
I thought that was so familiar.
Anyway she continued saying that my face looks very cute like angel like that.
While blushing intensely and laughing all the way at how she speaks I agreed to be called that.
She is one big and beautiful lady with a deep loud laugh I appreciate.
Ain't it great to have a deep laugh coming from inside?
Sounds like a genuine laugh.
That's why I like her [and because she complimented me la].
I really thought that was so familiar the way she gave me an english name.
Then I remembered that when I worked at the Chen Fu Ji restaurant at the end of 2005,
"Eh Angel help me clear those and arrange the eating utensils please."
I realised that Haifi was talking to me, calling me Angel all of a sudden.
So two different people at my workplaces spontaneously named me Angel without asking me first.
Cute huh.
So glad its not like shorty or flabby or chubby that kind of name.
Whatever it is I don't think I'll ever have an English name because it wouldn't be me. My unpronouncable chinese name was given by my father and it has lived with me for 18 years plus and it will stay because I love it.
♥Bid Farewell
Such fine weather, perfect for swimming.
I haven't got much resolve to drag my lazy body up in the morning to go swimming.
If yt hadn't persistently messaged me in the morning and calling non stop I wouldn't have gone.
I don't think she knows that when people don't reply messages sometimes the answer is "no, i'm too lazy to get up at 745 on a saturday."
Its impossible to get back to sleep with all that ringing la.
Its a good thing we live so near together.
Every week we go swimming the ah peks always try to chit chat with us.
Its super annoying.
Its too rude to just ignore and swim away so we just say, ya, mm, yes, no, ah.
Then wait for the right moment to get away.
Last week this ah pek with a loose, running left eye kept talking to us.
omg it was very hard not to look at him because of his wandering left eye.
Like quite amusing to see how he manages to keep one eye still and let the other pupil float left, right, left, right.
When we swim to the other side of the pool he will follow us closely behind,
then try to resume conversation.
Thank goodness me and yt had each other.
He was saying to me,"you can swim without goggles ar. Not pain meh? ....."
and carrying on his monologue while I said, "mm, ar. no la."
When he was leaving he offered to lend me his goggles.
So that we have to meet again to return him those.
Gross.
Maybe he didn't mean anything but its disturbing to have old uncles trying to chat us up when we obviously were not interested in small talk with them.
Today yt and I saw him again chatting up another young girl.
We stayed near enough to eavesdrop.
One part of the monologue was about how that ah pek's son thought that he was too tan.
How he got his tan from swimming blah blah.
It was so gross I hauled myself out of the pool to throw up by the side.
I know we're lovely,
but can they ever stop bothering us
♥Bid Farewell
today has got to be the most =0 day of my life at work.
3 weeks into my work I'm starting to feel more familiar with what I'm supposed to do. Its so much comforting to not have to ask mdm woo every query I get from the phone calls. Initially whenever I get a question from a caller I'd ask her to wait a moment while I ask mdm woo "what is blahblahblah?"
Then I answer the caller her question.
When the caller asks another question I go "mdm woo, what is blahblahblah?"
Then I answer the caller her question.
If she asks another question then.....repeat steps above again.
But now its so much better!
I know the other staff's faces and I'm more fluid with my answers.
If I cannot answer then I patronize the callers talk cock until they put down the phone.
Anyway since I've become more familiar I've started dressing more casually.
I shocked myself by wearing a cap to work one day.
See, I work in a school.
How appropriate for a general office auntie to wear a cap.!
By the time I walked into school and felt that, hmm, maybe this is a tad too casual, but my hair was already flattened so, no way I was going to not wear the cap.
So I got a warning, a friendly one, from Mdm Woo.
Yeah lor.
After that I was more careful as to what I wore.
I thought that my clothing didn't matter much, because I wear a jacket the whole 10 hours I'm there I can never be too exposed.
And the office people don't expect me to don the corporate look.
No need to think too much about my wardrobe choices.
Today I wore a shirt with the neckline high and the slit is across the shoulders.
Even if I bent low and squeezed my shoulders together, there's no way my cleavage can be seen.
[haha ya I have that, cleavage, a bit.]
And the little bit of shoulders is just as bad as seeing a bit of calf ok.
Calves leh. Or the back of our hands. Its not that bad.
The jacket will cover everything la don't worry.
The boys were playing street soccer after school at the parade square with another funny teacher.
How to not play?
After playing a while it got so hot and I got carried away I took off my jacket.
In the middle of the game I was shouting, as usual in the unglam way, for those boys to stop hogging the ball.
At this point Mr Smart Aleck, who had fallen twice at my feet while attempting to tackle me, told me, "They won't pass the ball."
I thought, Yah lor, boys always like to show off and play solo, making their team lose. Even when their teammates are in the open and unmarked.....
In the middle of my thought, watching that solo boy try to maneuver hopelessly from 3 boys blocking his way and refusing to pass, Mr Smart Aleck turned to me and said :
"Because you are sexy."
With a straight face.
With a serious-as-hell, I'm-talking-business face.
"Teachers are not supposed to wear so low."
With that, Mr Smart Alec walked away.
*Thud*
Excuse me, that was the sound of my jaw, my hands and boobs dropping onto the floor from shock and a little embarrassment.
That coming from a ten year old was too much to take.
I'd like to think that I've not crossed the line by making little boys think crooked with their soft, clean grey matter.
However, being someone who's receptive and open to suggestions I might just be more careful with what I wear next time.
Labels: Work
♥Bid Farewell
